Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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