My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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