That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
