He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
