Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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