We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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