I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
