We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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