dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
