butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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