you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
