yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
