i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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