I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
