we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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