My underwear smells like fireworks.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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