There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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