I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
