Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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