And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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