I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
