I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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