Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
