Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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