i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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