You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
