The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just gift wrapped bread.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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