He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
