My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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