Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
