remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
