His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
