oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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