the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
