Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
