he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
