What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
a search helicopter?!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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