I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We have started to decorate penises.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
