You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
