He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
