Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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