I want to make a zoo with you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My balls are so social today.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
