Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
