I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
