your thong is hanging out like whoa
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
