Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
