What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
