If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
