Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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