Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you win again, gameday.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
