I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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