So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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