Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
