no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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