I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
