just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
